"Hey Mikey, you ever been to London?" Eric spits a considerable amount of dip out of the corner of his mouth, his fingers hooked onto the chain-link fence in front of him.
"London?" Mikey turns his focus away from the casual basketball game going on beyond the fence. "You mean, like, England?" His face is contorted, twisted up in confusion. "Naw, man. I ain't barely left the east coast. Fuckin' London. I don't know where you come up with this shit, man."
Eric shrugs. "I heard a guy today, talking about it. Down by the courthouse."
"Yeah, well...." Mikey scoffs, barely hiding his indifference. "That wouldn't be no place for us, man. You know they probably hate anyone from America over there. And us, two little jits from east Orlando? Hah. Forget about it, man."
Eric becomes persistent. "No no, Mike, this guy - he was talking about how a bunch of kids run away to the city and just live there, like a -"
"Like a tent city? Like bums?" Mikey finishes off the tallboy that was barely concealed inside a paper bag and crushes the can in his hand. "Well maybe you should go live there, then. Shit, Eric. You know they talk all proper and shit over there - you can barely get through your ABC's. You wouldn't last a day there, man."
"There's gotta be some kids over there like us, Mike." Eric kicks a rock haphazardly under the fence. "There's gotta be."
Korine, Harmony. "Proenza Schouler Presents 'Act Da Fool' by Harmony Korine." Online video clip. YouTube. YouTube, 22 Sept. 2010. Web.
First off: I think linking to the other blog through a hyperlink within the text, rather than a link at the top, would be more effective, and more interesting. I also am iffy on the stock-photo-y London picture. I could see it's incompatibility with the narrative as intentional, but then if that's the case, I think a more obvious photo could have been found. Like a photo of Savile Row; something that distinctly contrasts with the narrative. But more I think a picture of a London tent city as described would have been the best choice.
ReplyDeleteThe narrative itself however has little problems. The characterization is effective; in a few hundred words you create two distinct and (relatively) rounded characters. By dialogue alone they're differences are identifiable. I get a definite "Orlando" feel from it, but then again, that could just be because I'm familiar with the area.
I love the video at the end. It feels a little out of place but I think the scenes of urban decay and such help strengthen the feel of a dirty urban setting like downtown Orlando. My main complaint with the writing is that I feel like there's room for more. Why was Eric down at the courthouse? What do these boys do? Why are they where they are doing what they're doing? Obviously you wouldn't be able to go into too much detail but I feel like there's still a lot of unused space for this blog post that would have made it that much more effective.